Photo by estoril

This started out as a discussion on Twitter, but it got a bit out of hand and I had lots of questions thrown my way as a result, so I thought I’d capture and clarify it all in a quick blog post.

I kicked it all off by saying this:

And then people started asking stuff like this:

So then I explained what I meant, which took quite a few posts on Twitter – when really I should have realised immediately that it would be better as a blog post – so that’s what I’m doing now.

Essentially, it means we can be friends without me having to be updated with your every movement. We can talk on the phone without having to leave the line open and connected ALL the time.

My hierarchy of social engagement
Essentially it breaks down like this:

1) If I’m following you on Twitter, it means I think you’re interesting.
2) If we’re friends on Facebook, it’s because we’re friends. At least on Facebook, but probably outside of that context as well.
3) If I’m seeing your status updates on FB, it’s because I’ve decided that of all my friends, I specifically need to know what you’re up to.

So how is it technically possible to still be friends with people on Facebook but not see their every post? Or, to put it another way, how can you have a manageable FB experience, but still allow people to contact and interact with you?

You HIDE them.

Hover your mouse over a status update by someone you’re tempted to put to one side for the moment. You’ll see a little X appear in the top right. Once you’ve clicked that little X, you get an dialogue box asking whether you want to hide that person (you do).

If you hide them, they stop appearing in your timeline. They can still see your messages and respond to them – but you don’t get their every thought on your Facebook homepage – and their favourite videos of chimpanzees don’t push the few people you do want regular updates from off the main page.

I’ve hidden nearly everyone. Lots, anyway. And the beauty is, nobody can see that they’re hidden (though in my case, most can probably now guess that they are).

The point is that this is about manageability, while keeping it a useful tool for contact with the people that you know and meet. And of course, you can unhide and rehide as the mood takes you and the situation demands.

There’s more you can do
If privacy and outright simplicity, rather than day-to-day manageability, is the greater concern – then deleting “friends” (or even yourself) on Facebook is the way forward.

But this is certainly the less radical option.

Personally, I’d happily do without Facebook entirely if it wasn’t for the fact that a few people I know have their best and most interesting conversations there – and it’s certainly a different kind of context and conversation to Twitter.

The two rival social networks are not actually similar enough to do each other’s job.

But please don’t take offense if I happened to miss your Facebook update. It’s not personal – I’m just not listening. At least, not there. If you really want me to know something – send me an email.