April 3, 2004 – 12:04 pm
Try this: Chat with Catty
THIS IS A CHAT-BOT. It is supposed to handle a casual conversation. A cross-fire of questions, insults or random characters won’t yield interesting results. Catty is just the way the Internet is. You might have a joyful conversation, but you might be attacked without a reason.
Catty is the brainchild of AI programmer Michael Zalewski, who hit upon the idea that most AI programmes are essentially dumb, because they rely on exclusively the parameters of response gifted to them by their programmers. They learn at the rate they are taught.
But given unfettered access to Google, theoretically such a chat bot could learn incredibly quickly. Theoretically.
At the recommendation of Collision Detection, I decided to try it out – just because I thought it was…
Catty: were comfortable with the concept of freedom of choice when it comes to choosing ones mates?
Dubber: I guess… but I’d like to talk more specifically about radio. Can you do that for me?
Catty: no wonder guys like to talk about important stuff while driving :)
Dubber: no wonder. But tell me what you know about Radio in New Zealand
Catty: home kids family locks guards what should i know about childhood health risks
Dubber: no – RADIO
Catty: one of the 4th grade mothers asks me do i know about the i hate elizabeth club.
Dubber: okay – have it your way. So did you know about the club?
Catty: coots i know about the coots too funny little birds that swim around in gangs making funny little coot noises
Dubber: noises. that’s good. we’re getting closer to talking about RADIO
Catty: i just spent the last two days getting closer to her than ever and i will not lose her now!
Dubber: that’s encouraging – though perhaps a little stalker-y. Does SHE listen to the radio, at least?
Catty: stories events are hinted at early on and revisited throughout though perhaps not related in full until late in the novel :)
Dubber: right. So she, like you, is an entirely fictional character.
Catty: at least as approachable as a fictional character could get!
Dubber: Well, so far, I have to say, you haven’t been terribly approachable – and certainly not on the topic of radio.
Catty: im terribly sorry but i never knew what was really going on and i cant see why any one would be interested in anything i might have to say
Dubber: you are, at least, an interesting experiment – though, it seems, a failed one.
Catty: it was no surprise that it was to be discontinued in favour of the new lemon flavour though it seems still to be on sale.
Dubber: oh good. Well, they must have advertised it on the radio.
Catty: jousting knights normally held their lances in their right hands and it is sometimes assumed that they must have therefore ridden on the left
Dubber: no doubt. So tell me: what’s your speaking voice like?
Catty: isnt it interesting that half the web pages of fortune 500 companies the big names like mcdonalds wont tell you what their email address is?.
Dubber: not half as interesting as the fact that you’re yet to say a word about radio, despite having the entire resources of Google at your disposal.
Catty: i am quite proud of the fact that i did not shreak jump on a chair etc :)
Dubber: yes. well done.
Catty: maddux murmured giving him a sympathetic look despite the fact that glavine was staring out the window…
Dubber: banana sputnik teapot petunia
Catty: the fact that a buffer is a fixed length may be exploitable
Dubber: the birds fly backwards over Leningrad this winter
Catty: the reason for this is that pedaling wants to rotate the excenter forwards while suspension compression wants to rotate it backwards? ;)
Dubber: utterly, utterly a waste of time at this point. Let me know when you get to version 3.
Catty: little did i know when i did this that the womans biological hard drive doesnt track on all sectors and is riddled with software conflicts
I get a strong sensation that some sort of filtering process is in order – either that or we’ll have to somehow deal with computer systems displaying symptoms of a chronic psychosis akin to a mix of schizophrenia coupled with an acute form of Asperger’s syndrome, as the natural state of Artificial Intelligence systems from here on in (now that’s more like that 80s sci-fi theory of mine).
Worst of all, while Catty seems to be involved in some obsessive lesbian relationship, she has rather a lot to learn about feminism – not to mention her active listening skills.
Somehow, I don’t think Roger Penrose has anything to worry about on his Emperor’s New Mind idea.